Refuge

So I've been having some thoughts lately, and I'm tired of trying to keep track of which notebook I wrote them in :-) I figure I might as well keep these musings in a blog so I won't have to remember where I put them!

Lately I've been feeling rather exposed. You see, at my church, Connections, we've been doing 21 days of fasting. Not that all of us haven't eaten for 21 days, but different people in the church chose a certain day to fast and pray. I chose a day early on, but also chose to fast from some other things in my life for the whole time. I chose to give up my TV and movie "privileges" in order to spend more time with God. I realized just how much time that was eating up in my life, and I knew I could put it to better use. So I did... sometimes.

Really, I discovered that, even though the time is set apart for God, I tend to want to put other things in that time slot. I couldn't seem to figure out why until a couple of days ago. One of my new friends put up a post on Facebook about Psalm 27. It's been one of my favorite chapters in the Bible for a very long time, so I was excited to see him post it up. Then he talked about God being his shelter and having no reason to fear. I didn't think too much about it, but then I kept coming across references to "shelter" in my reading the next day. I knew God was trying to say something, so I stopped what I was doing and just started looking up the references to "shelter" in the Bible, and any related cross references.

Ever done that? I felt so ashamed when I did. I realized all the things I filled that time with were what I was running to for shelter and comfort. Here I am, saying I'm a Christian, and yet God isn't my protection and my comfort?!? Seriously, there's something wrong with this picture.

These were some of the verses I found that I loved (and I'm totally still looking, even!):

Deuteronomy 33:27a
"The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms [...]

Psalm 27:1
"The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?"

Psalm 46:1
"God is our refuge and strength, and ever- present help in trouble."

Psalm 32:7
"You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance."

Psalm 90:1
"Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations."

(this is one I totally needed right now!)
Psalm 31:19-20
"How great is your goodness, which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you. In the shelter of your presence you hide them from the intrigues of men; in your dwelling you keep them safe from accusing tongues."

Psalm 5:11
"But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. For surely, O Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as a shield."

I am so ashamed. I've been so fearful, when I had no need to. God keeps asking me to step out in faith, to speak up, to be who He wants me to be... and I've been too scared. I've been hiding behind everything I possibly could to keep me safe from the pains of this life, and it was only when those things were stripped away that I saw just how temporary that protection is. My prayer now is that I will remember that God is my protection, and that I have no need to fear. I want to be able to say the same thing that King David did in Psalm 91:1-2

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust."

Just take a minute and think about what you take refuge from the storms of life in... Do you shop to make yourself feel better? Eat to hide the pain? Run to escape problems? Play video games or watch movies to tune life out? Whatever your shelter is, consider giving it up, just for a few days, and take that time to run to God. Is it scary the first several times you do it? Possibly for some of us, it is! But that shelter will never go away. You see, when I looked up the definition of the word refuge (thank God for Webster!), I came up with two entries. The first one was a noun, and it was your typical definition of refuge: shelter, protection, recourse... all talking about what we get when we go there. The second entry was refuge as a verb. God is not only offering a place for us to go, but He is also active in his sheltering of us. If there's one thing that cannot be said about our God, it's that He's passive. He always takes action, just not in the ways we expect Him to show up.